The Sounds of Spamuel

2010-03-12T10:17:00.000-05:00

Those days when the whiskey meets the ice and the breeze crosses your back as it drifts into the bar....the wind breathes you.

2010-02-17T11:23:00.000-05:00

You can wear your beehive if you need to
You can read your comics if it helps you
You can turn heart away if it gets you into the morning of another sunlight day
and if it helps you

All I see is morning and laughter
All you gave me was coffee and laughter

You can cry your eyes if it helps you
You can take your pills if you need to

And this pain in your chest it won't ever go away
You can curse with it until the end of your days

2010-01-28T00:13:00.000-05:00

You sit and scream and collect your thoughts
all lost in moments you forgot
the silent stare shared with no one
until you smile and see me there

The painter has finally arrived
but months too late for you or I
to learn the breadth and scope of present work

On the Silver Life

2010-01-20T23:29:00.002-05:00

I was wondering around the yard on my hands and knees
the thought crossed my mind to set you ablaze.....ablaze.

On the Silver Life they will never find any of the truths from me
and justice will be done if my penance comes

seventy five zero zero was the price for my head
now my children weep alone with abuela in bed

On the Silver Life they will never find any of the truths from me
Justice will be done if my penance comes delivered believably.

2010-01-10T18:23:00.002-05:00

Hold me now and don't be afraid
Hold me down and let's celebrate
grab my legs and hold on and let's go for a ride
see the places that you have inside

Hold me now and exfoliate
Hold me down let's levitate
Hold me up let's just see the places that we'll go
and I can't tell you I love you so
there's too much involved in these words these days
I can't tell you how I love you so.

2010-01-10T01:19:00.001-05:00

I am listening
I am trying to do my best not to fuck it all up and let it all go
I sure want you
you may want me
we will try to do everything that we can to each other
I am standing here
just trying to tell you that I want you not to go
and I need you more than I thought so
yes that really scares me
but I'm not afraid to tell you these things
that you ought to know when you look in my eyes and you sing.

2010-01-07T17:29:00.002-05:00

You drip from my nose
and drip from my lips
You fall between legs
and give life back to trees
You cover my eyes
and fall from Stella's head
when she crashes into stone walls.

2009-12-29T12:11:00.000-05:00

There she sat, at the end of the driveway, folded over onto herself like a long forgotten rag doll. I was convinced she was dead as life couldn't exist in this for crumpled form.

I was wrong.

I reached down to touch her and say goodbye as her eyes opened and looked up towards me. Silly, I thought. All the years spent with babies had been completely forgotten. The ability to sleep anywhere, in any position was such a distant memory that I had assumed the worst for this fragile child.

With one swift swoop I picked her up in my arms and she was all boyancy and giggles. In her eyes was the niece that I knew, the one I had thought I lost. We had hope.

2009-12-25T22:51:00.000-05:00

The crowd swelled in anticipation of these final moments. Voices rising in a unison of speculation and rejoicing. From the back of the room I walked forward, living these moments as I had always perceived them in my mind's eye. The red carpet that I walked upon gave little friction so that my graceful stride became a float.

I reached the front of the room and quickly an arm was put around my shoulder, both welcoming and reassuring. He could feel my anxious excitement in my words. I spoke and suddenly warmth overcame me. The release took hold and anxiety broke away like water from a spring, flowing out from my heart to my arms and legs and fingers and toes and nails and skin.

Now I waiting in the warm glow of acceptance. Feeling the life flow through the room and me. Feeling the happiness of my father as he addressed the crowd amassed in that room. Knowing that this was where I was to be. This was the hope and dreams of my life and they were to be fulfilled.

2009-12-22T11:05:00.002-05:00

The air is heavier here. Somewhere between lust, sweat and stale air. I could easily open a window to wash it all away but I need to hold this just a little longer. I need it to permeate my clothes so I can taste you when you go.

Morning

2009-12-18T12:38:00.000-05:00

Should I stay here with you
my life would surely boil
but I would not miss it

The sleep is restless
and restful all at once
our bellies full of Indian
and beer and touching

now you sleep
and I type away
both raising our eyes at sounds
of intrusion

2009-12-17T14:54:00.000-05:00

Take you hands and put em
In the air and say it
raise your voices with me

Take your hands and put em
up in the air and wave em
come on sing along with me

Where once i was living far away and now I feel so near
Where once I was living in denial and now I am right here

Don't do the things I've shown you
instead do the things I've told you
like living and loving all day

Don't do the words as spoken
don't find your hands all tied
while trying to live this way

Put your hands in the air
Wave your hands in the air
show me you know what I mean

I've tried

2009-12-16T22:49:00.000-05:00

I can't remember my name this morning
I can't remember the clothes I'm wearing
I've tried
oh I've tried

I can't remember the song I'm singing
I can't remember these words I'm singing
I've tried
oh I've tried

Every day I'm struggling to meet you
Every day I want to see you home
Every night I think I call you
And every morning I'm glad I see you
when you walk me in to the rainy day
when you walk me out into the sunlight of a beautiful morning you know I've tried

Always Beginnings

2009-12-16T12:37:00.000-05:00

How many times can I rewrite this line?
What's there to say that isn't said.
I bite my lips, already chapped and moisture deprived.

And in my dreams, I am the dreamed
you are the dreamer, our time is sacred
We fuse together, there is no empty
only fullness and open laughter
Always beginnings

And then you breathe deep, taking what's yours
You cry dominion
while still on all fours

New, non-EP tracks are up

2009-11-05T11:26:00.000-05:00

I've got two new songs up that are not appearing on the new EP. Here's the link for my lo-fi myspace page where they can be found:

Spamuel

Jewels - I wrote this song over a year ago, taking a look at my close friends and everything we were all going through. This will probably appear on the next album

Swift as the Wind - This song is easily 2 years old, with the bridge being MUCH older. This song is on the Continuing adventures of Takeda Shingen album (which is fully written but has yet to be recorded).

Immovable as a Mountain - This isn't new to the myspace page, but I'm leaving it up. I'm not one to put heavy reverb on stuff, but it's interesting to find it on the vocals for this song, which is also on the Continuing adventures of Takeda Shingen album.

Rough tracks are done!!!

2009-09-21T12:55:00.000-04:00

The new EP is halfway to completion. All 5 songs are recorded. Now I go through the editing process which consists of listening, listening, listening and listening. I've got my notebook out and I'm making sure each track is perfect in every sense. Tedious but necessary.

Once I've logged all the issues I'll start my overdubs. Then a second round of edits. Then on to mastering. I'm shooting for a drop date of 10/31/09....fitting with the content as well.

Hold me

2009-09-17T11:15:00.000-04:00

Now you've heard the plot points of our tale, how it begins, but how will it end?

When all I've got is this pair of jeans, this worn out belt and a plain white tee

So listen close, hold tight to the rails....love prevails.......love prevails.

Will you hold me close in the middle of the night
whispering everything will be alright
Just to be embraced by you one last time it's almost through

Hold me, until the skies disappear
and the seas boil away
no I don't really care for what you have to say

Sure I know, that this can't last, if I believe in you and me
But I'm afraid, to make a change, afraid of all the possibilities
Of losing myself to all of your rage, then what remains

I tried to make it my own and I've done my best to survive the times
Spending all my days and nights with a shell of you and me inside

Hold me, until the skies disappear
and the seas boil away
no I don't really care for what you have to say

2009-09-16T15:38:00.001-04:00

The pink glow of the sky was barely visible from inside the restaurant. Behind him rumbled the various white-noise sounds he had become so accustomed to while at work: plates clanging together, dozens of separate conversations, laughter, satiation. All of these wove together to become the muffled symphony of his affection. None stood out above the rest. His attention was purely focused on what was beyond the fountain, 2 stories up and 150 feet away.

All day he had waited for this moment that would eventually come. It was the favorite part of his Tuesday. Through the tedium that was lunch to the mid-afternoon lull that came before dinner, patience had been his only solace. Now at long last here he stood, in the exact same spot as he had stood last week and the weeks before that stretching for 5 months. The glass that separated his anticipation from the chill outside air became fogged with his breath, so he took a small step back and waited.

The window acted as a view screen, showing the interior of the studio to outside world in a perfect 16:9 format. Bright florescents ran the length of the ceiling, bathing the occupants in all encompassing light so that every breath and movement could be scrutinized to perfection. It was in this setting that he had only ever seen her, moving from one side of the room to the other in graceful steps of beauty. But here, now, her movements were all that existed.

2009-09-03T09:59:00.001-04:00

Do you ever remember the time that we first met?
Do you ever think about the words that we first said?
Well I'm trying to remember and for once focus upon the past
I'm trying to hold up and scrutinize my intentions...see if they will come to pass

And I am slowly waiting for you to hate me

Is it a question of time or a question of my lies
That I tell myself when I kiss you to sleep in the night
And I wondering if you can see through the haze of the drugs and all of the sex
And I wonder if you would change the outcome or continue to relax
If I looked in your eyes and honestly told you that this isn't what we should be
If I loosed all the chains from you would you reach out to kill

And I am slowly waiting for you to hate me

But you never will. No you never will

It appears to me....this tragic mystery....and I wonder if I will every see you again

Beryllium

2009-08-31T22:23:00.003-04:00

I was just a simple day, it was just another day in June for you.
A chance to climb out of the confines of your room and greet the world like you had been born anew.

I saw you standing at the bar holding up your friends like you owned the room
Probably would put Atlas on your shoulders too then ask we would like to climb up and enjoy the view

Everything you ever thought couldn't be true..it could be yours for the taking if you want it enough, need it enough
Everything you ever though couldn't be true..could be yours for the taking
If you want it enough
Need it enough
Want it enough

Now here were are at last, almost a full year later in early May
And I've got two million things that I'd like to say, then I look to the sky and it melts away...melts away

Like a raging wall of flame, the sky is forever scorched with burning rays
These aren't the kind that go away, they'll outlast us all and history

Everything you ever thought couldn't be true..it could be yours for the taking if you want it enough, need it enough
Everything you ever though couldn't be true..could be yours for the taking
If you want it enough
Need it enough
Want it enough

Are you scared of when you close your eyes
Do you think of the dark things that lurk beyond the light of day and never see the sunshine
Are you worried the earth will fall apart
Do you wonder if a crack will suddenly appear below your feet and that is how the end will start

Are you trying just to stay awake
So you don't have to open your eyes to another day of fear and a tragic sense of place
Are you working to make it through the dim
So you can tell your children that you've seen the darkest and the brightest and the final days of men

2009-08-30T21:48:00.002-04:00

What do I do, to keep my own sanity
should I stare out the window and hum my own melody?

I'm not really sure if this is the avenue
for my humanity to face off with my dignity and hope that I don't break the last taboo

And what can I speak to reality anymore?
How do I step back from the edge of this distant shore?
What do I do with you?

What could I do when we were pounced upon
forced to run and hide from the ones that we loved.
To my dismay your escape was impossible
Listening to them bite you, seeing the change upon you, watching the life go from your eyes.

And what can I speak to reality anymore?
How do I step back from the edge of this distant shore?
What do I do with you?

I can't understand what you're saying/Why are you looking at me that way?
Your voice has stopped making sense/I wish I knew what you were trying to say
I just want us to be happy/Don't come any closer
And I want you to understand me again/I'm afraid of what I'll have to do to you

What do I do now that I have captured you
ensnared your body in a trap all of my design
How can I bring myself to eradicate
the woman that I longed to be with, eat my cereal and watch the stars with, the one who's trying to eat my very eyes?

And what can I speak to reality anymore?
How do I step back from the edge of this distant shore?
What should I do
What could I do
What do I do with you?

2009-07-13T10:27:00.002-04:00

The mission when we arrived, dusty cobblestones of mortared eyes
That pathos hung from every door, the shaded and negleted doors
You yelled for signs life, anyone to greet our tired eyes
road-weary stranded travelers, not sure of traveling anymore

The streets were open yards once filled with raucous livelihood
now in silenced sleep, lifetimes lost to their own memories
Pushing an iron gate we made our way across the broken
courtyard to an empty bed, it's placement not requiring sense

I can't believe

All the symbols we removed they were draped across our swollen skin
Never to be touched again, never to be worn again
All the sentences we wrote and the words you left alone
they are ringing in my broken ears, lifted and rejected years

And the daisy chains you wore, crafted for another circumstance
dangling from your slender neck, draped between your swollen breasts
You refused to decorate your body any more than these
flowers we immoliate, bodies that we consecrate

Immovable as a Mountain

2009-02-11T13:44:00.002-05:00

This is up over at the myspace page. It's the EP demo version of the song and not the final version that will go on the full length album. I'm pleased with the reverb quality I was able to get on my voice. It sounds decent and what I was hearing in my head. I feel like I'm getting comfortable enough with Cubase to actually start dialing in to want I want to hear instead of having to experiment to get what I need.

As for the song itself, it's definitely a contextual song that will pull together a lot of the other songs on the LP. I wrote most of the song back in 2007 and it's been sitting around since then, biding time, waiting for the correct moment to strike. Hopefully other people will enjoy it as much as I do.

2008-12-10T14:26:00.002-05:00

Another day without any real music work done. Being sick sure hinders that amount of progress I can make in the world of music. It is no fun.

I was, however, able to find something of interest. Daily Routines is a fascinating little website/blog that is devoted to chronicling "How writers, artists, and other interesting people organize their days." As someone who is constantly juggling various schedules and time restraints I found it a fascinating read. Most of the people on the site are creatives, so it sometimes gives a snapshot into their creative process. One of my favorites is the entry for Ernest Hemmingway, which a portion of I find very relevant to my own work:

"...You read what you have written and, as you always stop when you know what is going to happen next, you go on from there. You write until you come to a place where you still have your juice and you know what will happen next and you stop and try to live through until the next day when you hit it again... ....It is the wait until the next day that is hard to get through."

I find this to be a very true statement. Having something left to do when you finish for the day helps to keep that project or creative pulse still in your mind. I've been trying, every night when I do work, to have the last thing I do be something new and creative. This has left me wanting more and wanting to come back to the studio the next day.